What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

What! how could you do that?

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

Can you show pictures of your penis, big or small?

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

True - how I loved my mum!

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

Why do women wear less clothes compared to men?

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

Are there any examples of outdated values in the Bible?

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

Do you know what she said mum?

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

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Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

What do you mean son?

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

Was Jimmy Carter a good President of the United States?

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”